I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
