I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
