The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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