she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
