Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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