Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
