My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
