Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
