Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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