so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
