Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
