i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Boobs speak an international language.
I AM VODKA MAN
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
