rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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