I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I party with great urgency now.
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