She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
MIDGETS
????
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
