Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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