It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize