Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
