he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
