how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
