They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
