so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
