the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize