To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
