Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize