So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
