UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
