can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
