Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
