i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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