so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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