Don't you send me to vm
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
