ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize