last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize