the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
