Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just found puke in my bra..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
