I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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