woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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