It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
