she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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