Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
