we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize