Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
