it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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