I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
