i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
