JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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