it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
