If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
These tits shall not be calmed
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
