3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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