May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
