Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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