I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
