ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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