Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
