this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
