i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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