I skipped work to stalk him.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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