I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
