Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
