Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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