My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
