God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize