now i know why i became what i already was.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
