They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Drake has all the answers
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
