your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize