After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
