The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
