She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
