yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
