I hope mine doesn't look like that
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
