she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize