Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
