Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
