Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
