i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
