He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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