you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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