You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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