I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
