So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There r osticjed everywhere
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
