I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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