I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
