Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So many bounce houses so little time
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
