i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
