Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
