Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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