He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
