i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
